I look at conforming as going with the masses. But is it really? I have begun to think that every time I rethink my decision of what to wear, how to cut my hair, where I might sit, who I might see is really more the issue than being a sheep.
Even at my age, I am sucked into the urge to fit. To wear what doesn't receive the most criticism or mockery. To do what is expected. How do I break this??? I like having friends, so would they leave me if I am "weird"? Even as old as we all are? I look at my oldest daughter, almost 13 and see her struggle with fitting in. It is so very important. But then she wants to be unique, but they really can't exist together, can they? I tell her to be herself, but can she really? I don't think I am, not really. So it's hypocritical of me to say that to her. Am I willing to risk it to be be true to me? I think I do, but I don't know if I am achieving it. I wrestle with that every time I get dressed to go out, go be part of a group or even wander around in public. How can I shut off that voice, that concern in my head? Does it ever really go away?
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