I dropped off my good friend, Kelly, at the hospital for a procedure and knowing I had a few hours to kill, what do I do with my time? Go to Costco. Seems innocent enough, but it's the Fife's business Costco who happens to be having a 3-day sale. I must say looking at the brochure flyer, there were some pretty awesome discounts available. So I take a friend and we go.
Kelly wanted a new microwave and it is the least I could do, right? Especially since she is incapacitated and can't make it. Well...as I drive up to the postage size parking lot, an anomaly in Costco's business plan, I realize I may have made a mistake. Turning into the parking lot was a game of vehicle twister and they just spun red-right-hand marker. I could see people's tempers had already evaporated, so I quickly switched to aggression mode. It's a little known button on the steering column that can be engaged in such a situation. It now becomes a game of patience and speed..patience to find a parking spot and swift dexterity to get there first.
With some cunning maneuvers we finally parked and weaved through the parking lot to the front doors. Since I knew that the microwave was going to be a big purchase, I grabbed a cart from the employee shoving them in. Conveniently they were place just inside, so we pulled one off the shelve and started the salmon swim upstream through the masses of eager shoppers.
I don't think I've ever seen as many people shopping at Costco in my life, even on those kiosk-snack Saturdays they use to promote products. Now keep in mind the Costco in Fife is just for business products, which will differ from the "general" version of Costco most of us are used to. They don't have the cute jackets, clothes, jewelry, toys and other fun items we consumers like to get. This is just things that would relate to restaurants, offices and other business owners/people. So I was flabbergasted at the amount of people who turned out for the deals being offered.
I actually saw someone push a cart full of motor oil...about 20 cases and just as many mega-sized packages of toilet paper. Seemed an odd combination, but what the hey, you get what you need.
I stood in line for the next 1/2 hour jockeying back in forth to make room for passerbyers that circled the product around the waiting lines. Sweat is dripping off me because of all the additional bodies that are crammed into the mega-small staging area for check out. While pursuing my fellow insane shoppers, it did cross my mind "What the hell am I doing here!" a few thousand times while I waited. But I was committed and more importantly I was trapped.
I finally reached the god-like conveyor belt where I got to put MY stuff.....(bells and angels are singing). I am deliciously estactic because I am soooo close to leaving. As I gatherer my microwave and hustle out, I realize that I still have to get out of the parking lot. Crap.
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Titles
I had a conversation with a good friend of mine not too long about about titles. Not just titles, like Mr. or Mrs., the essences of titles and what they mean to our identity. My friend and I are both "stay-at-home mothers" which means to the outside world, sit at home and eat bon-bons. To other @home moms we are amazing, multi-tasking, dynamos that need monuments or metals for all the unappreciated, unrealized and unrated attention we get.
She was brimming with anger for the responses she had been receiving from people in her life. The disdain others, i.e. doctors, teachers, PTA, family members were giving her because staying at home was "all she was doing".
I laughed at that. Can you believe such malarkey? I can't! My back has never hurt more, my feet have never throbbed more, I have never been more exhausted and I never ever seem to be able to finish my projects. Gee whiz, I bet that's not a problem for people who have "jobs". Who have a title they can bank on.
What we realized in our lively discussion is that without a title to "bank" on (money in the bank), you really aren't considered a viable person in society. If you can't show your worth via income and a title, who are you? After you ask someone their name, don't you ask a person what they "do"? Because we all know that defines the person, more so with men than women, but what we do gives us a facet.
So is being a mommy enough? That is what we debated back and forth and what we both concluded...Hell No! At least not for us. I believe in being at home for my kids with all my heart, but does it fulfill me? Not entirely. That drives me to do other things to fill that part in me that needs more of an identity. Volunteering, creating, designing, doing. That way when someone asks, what do you do...I can answer, how do you mean? In my personal, professional, private, spiritual life?
I watched an interview from a well know journalist (name escapes me now), female, who quit her job to stay at home with her kids. She went on to write a very controversial article about how she loved her kids, but didn't really like them. Well, you can imagine the response that got!!! Oooohh...she was flamed! How dare she say that and what a bad mother she was. What she was trying to say was that, she loved her kids and wanted to be there for them, but they didn't entirely fulfill her. She wanted more, craved more in her soul. I could identify with her.
Ironically the people who are most critical are working mothers. Which I would have thought would be the most sympathetic or more empathic to stay at home mothers. But after watching a really horrific Oprah about the opposing sides, WOW, it blew my mind. I couldn't believe the amount of prejudice and disdain working moms had for at home moms. Made me wonder what side we were all on.
In my wondering I have hit upon a theory; we (moms) are so caught up in our kids and husbands and what their needs are, we forget ourselves. We forget we are and were interesting people before. Before we met our spouses, before we gave birth. We went to college, attended art shows, plays, concerts. We write stories, drew pictures, sang beautiful songs...before. We did so many things before we became "MOM".
We let "MOM" define us and forget that we have a name. We are more than so-and-so's mom, more than so-and-so's wife. We forget that we can be separate than our family. That we have an identity beyond them and separate from them, that it is all ours. But of course, that comes with a price. Guilt. And for some, it's worth paying. But for others, the alternative is creating a headstone for wonderful and dear women that this world should know.
She was brimming with anger for the responses she had been receiving from people in her life. The disdain others, i.e. doctors, teachers, PTA, family members were giving her because staying at home was "all she was doing".
I laughed at that. Can you believe such malarkey? I can't! My back has never hurt more, my feet have never throbbed more, I have never been more exhausted and I never ever seem to be able to finish my projects. Gee whiz, I bet that's not a problem for people who have "jobs". Who have a title they can bank on.
What we realized in our lively discussion is that without a title to "bank" on (money in the bank), you really aren't considered a viable person in society. If you can't show your worth via income and a title, who are you? After you ask someone their name, don't you ask a person what they "do"? Because we all know that defines the person, more so with men than women, but what we do gives us a facet.
So is being a mommy enough? That is what we debated back and forth and what we both concluded...Hell No! At least not for us. I believe in being at home for my kids with all my heart, but does it fulfill me? Not entirely. That drives me to do other things to fill that part in me that needs more of an identity. Volunteering, creating, designing, doing. That way when someone asks, what do you do...I can answer, how do you mean? In my personal, professional, private, spiritual life?
I watched an interview from a well know journalist (name escapes me now), female, who quit her job to stay at home with her kids. She went on to write a very controversial article about how she loved her kids, but didn't really like them. Well, you can imagine the response that got!!! Oooohh...she was flamed! How dare she say that and what a bad mother she was. What she was trying to say was that, she loved her kids and wanted to be there for them, but they didn't entirely fulfill her. She wanted more, craved more in her soul. I could identify with her.
Ironically the people who are most critical are working mothers. Which I would have thought would be the most sympathetic or more empathic to stay at home mothers. But after watching a really horrific Oprah about the opposing sides, WOW, it blew my mind. I couldn't believe the amount of prejudice and disdain working moms had for at home moms. Made me wonder what side we were all on.
In my wondering I have hit upon a theory; we (moms) are so caught up in our kids and husbands and what their needs are, we forget ourselves. We forget we are and were interesting people before. Before we met our spouses, before we gave birth. We went to college, attended art shows, plays, concerts. We write stories, drew pictures, sang beautiful songs...before. We did so many things before we became "MOM".
We let "MOM" define us and forget that we have a name. We are more than so-and-so's mom, more than so-and-so's wife. We forget that we can be separate than our family. That we have an identity beyond them and separate from them, that it is all ours. But of course, that comes with a price. Guilt. And for some, it's worth paying. But for others, the alternative is creating a headstone for wonderful and dear women that this world should know.
Friday, July 18, 2008
My Friend
How many people do we have in our lives that are truly our friends? A friend that you can call at 2am and they will answer because it's you. A friend that will listen to you blubber, ramble or chatter about anything, because it's you. I guess I am lucky, because I have a couple of people in my life that fits that bill. I can't imagine my life without them. There has been others that have come and gone in my life I had hoped we would be close, but alas no. So I developed a hierarchy of friendship:
Siamese Twin Friend - This is the person you love to hug and talk with. Nothing is sacred, you have both seen the worst and best of each other...and still like them. This is the person who you want raising your kids, the first person you want to tell you've won the lottery, the person you ask when something strange is growing on your body and the person you sign on for your living will. You can't imagine a day without talking with them and they are probably the first numbers before 911 on your speed dial.
Secret-Keepers - This is a person who has probably known you for a long time. Who has one or more delicious secrets on you and you probably have some on them. This person can be a family member, spouse or someone you grew up with. You generally stay in touch with them and are privy to a lot of details in their lives, but not all. There is a line in this relationship, such as, you would call them if you were dying but they may not be the first call. This is still a close and intimate relationship but not as close as a Siamese friend would be.
Live-In - This is a person that you have or are living with. These people can exist as Siamese or below that because living with someone creates a bond that you may not share with another. Sometimes these people can be spouses, friends and/or family members. This is an intimate relationship because you get to see what they are really like when they are not "trying" to impress you...and you them. Where they put their dirty laundry, how much of a pig they really are, do they shower as often as they should, things like that. Despite the intimacy, you both "do your own thing".
Borrower - This is a person you can call if you need something, but keep it between the normal working hours of 10am - 8pm. You have spent time together and generally get on well, the conversation has usually 2-3 main topics that you share. This is a nice safe relationship because it doesn't really require too much emotional depth, it's easy and safe. You can usually borrow things from them and visa-versa, such as clothes, lawn equipment, cars. These types of friends are nice to have as neighbors.
Co-Worker - This is a person that you work with on a pretty regular basis. You are friendly with this person and share general information about your lives. Sometimes you get together outside of work, movies, drinks, etc. This person can develop into more but usually not. You both share a common point in your lives and once that connection is gone, the friendship dwindles. Some try to maintain, but without that daily dose that made the union, it just becomes to difficult and usually drops off within months.
I'll-Drink-to-That - These are the friends you drink with. Usually more than one, because drinking in a group is so much more fun! They are the life of the party, or maybe it's you, but beyond that you have no idea what they are like. Sometimes you see them at their worst, puking or sputtering about life, but you take it in stride because that is part of the party code. You care enough about them that you don't want to see them drink-and-drive.
Dude - This a person you see at different functions, events or gatherings. You definitely know their name and generally like them, but really don't see each other much beyond that. Ironically this can be family members as much as a friend. You share something, but it is kind of distant.
Whoya - This person is a friend of a friend. Comes with a package deal, sometimes with a spouse or another friend. You might like them but when it comes down to it, you won't pursue a relationship beyond where it is.
Parental - This is a person you are friendly to because your kids like each other. Generally you share small talk and visit while your kids play. The occasion you see them usually occur around birthdays, school functions, sporting events, club meetings or at the grocery store. You might remember their name, but have to think about it. These people can move up the list into another friend category but probably not. Backgrounds, personal philosophies, religion usually play a factor into not maintaining the friendship.
Most people float around the bottom of the list, sometimes straddling more than one category, but very few make it to the top 3. Sort of like the cream rising in your friendship. I have struggled with this in my head for a long time. What makes a friend? Why do some exist where they are and some don't? If you don't have people in your top three, what does that mean for you? If you have a lot...are you being real? After my kids, my friends play a serious role in my life, and make a dramatic effect on my life. I have discovered that if I don't get "out" more and expand my horizons then my list of friends dwindles. And to top that...I am getting older, which means they will start to die off as well, so..."make new friends, but keep the old..."
Siamese Twin Friend - This is the person you love to hug and talk with. Nothing is sacred, you have both seen the worst and best of each other...and still like them. This is the person who you want raising your kids, the first person you want to tell you've won the lottery, the person you ask when something strange is growing on your body and the person you sign on for your living will. You can't imagine a day without talking with them and they are probably the first numbers before 911 on your speed dial.
Secret-Keepers - This is a person who has probably known you for a long time. Who has one or more delicious secrets on you and you probably have some on them. This person can be a family member, spouse or someone you grew up with. You generally stay in touch with them and are privy to a lot of details in their lives, but not all. There is a line in this relationship, such as, you would call them if you were dying but they may not be the first call. This is still a close and intimate relationship but not as close as a Siamese friend would be.
Live-In - This is a person that you have or are living with. These people can exist as Siamese or below that because living with someone creates a bond that you may not share with another. Sometimes these people can be spouses, friends and/or family members. This is an intimate relationship because you get to see what they are really like when they are not "trying" to impress you...and you them. Where they put their dirty laundry, how much of a pig they really are, do they shower as often as they should, things like that. Despite the intimacy, you both "do your own thing".
Borrower - This is a person you can call if you need something, but keep it between the normal working hours of 10am - 8pm. You have spent time together and generally get on well, the conversation has usually 2-3 main topics that you share. This is a nice safe relationship because it doesn't really require too much emotional depth, it's easy and safe. You can usually borrow things from them and visa-versa, such as clothes, lawn equipment, cars. These types of friends are nice to have as neighbors.
Co-Worker - This is a person that you work with on a pretty regular basis. You are friendly with this person and share general information about your lives. Sometimes you get together outside of work, movies, drinks, etc. This person can develop into more but usually not. You both share a common point in your lives and once that connection is gone, the friendship dwindles. Some try to maintain, but without that daily dose that made the union, it just becomes to difficult and usually drops off within months.
I'll-Drink-to-That - These are the friends you drink with. Usually more than one, because drinking in a group is so much more fun! They are the life of the party, or maybe it's you, but beyond that you have no idea what they are like. Sometimes you see them at their worst, puking or sputtering about life, but you take it in stride because that is part of the party code. You care enough about them that you don't want to see them drink-and-drive.
Dude - This a person you see at different functions, events or gatherings. You definitely know their name and generally like them, but really don't see each other much beyond that. Ironically this can be family members as much as a friend. You share something, but it is kind of distant.
Whoya - This person is a friend of a friend. Comes with a package deal, sometimes with a spouse or another friend. You might like them but when it comes down to it, you won't pursue a relationship beyond where it is.
Parental - This is a person you are friendly to because your kids like each other. Generally you share small talk and visit while your kids play. The occasion you see them usually occur around birthdays, school functions, sporting events, club meetings or at the grocery store. You might remember their name, but have to think about it. These people can move up the list into another friend category but probably not. Backgrounds, personal philosophies, religion usually play a factor into not maintaining the friendship.
Most people float around the bottom of the list, sometimes straddling more than one category, but very few make it to the top 3. Sort of like the cream rising in your friendship. I have struggled with this in my head for a long time. What makes a friend? Why do some exist where they are and some don't? If you don't have people in your top three, what does that mean for you? If you have a lot...are you being real? After my kids, my friends play a serious role in my life, and make a dramatic effect on my life. I have discovered that if I don't get "out" more and expand my horizons then my list of friends dwindles. And to top that...I am getting older, which means they will start to die off as well, so..."make new friends, but keep the old..."
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