I am very fascinated by filters. The filters that we use to communicate with other people, the filters we use to take in information, the filters we use to process what we receive from our senses. What always astounds me is that I don't think I have met very many people who have all filters working.
My husband has a broken filter. We joke about it often and it's a standing joking reference with his friends. He doesn't "filter" out what's appropriate to say to someone...the switch just doesn't work. Oh, you know things like..."why would I want to go to dinner with you" comment when I asked him on a date or maybe, "I like your boobs hanging down like that". At times this can and is amusing...others...let's just say, the pillow when he is sleeping looks very inviting.
My Mother also suffers from the same affliction my husband does. The last comment, "Wow, you've really gotten big", was said to my NEWLY pregnant cousin. And yep, she is on the heavy side and would not be showing for a couple months, at least. God love her, because she was very confused when I told her that it wasn't really a very nice comment, even when well intentioned.
The people who have a broken intake filter are harder to spot. I have one such friend that will take days to process and then suddenly crap on your head because of a comment or action you did a few days ago. I've learned to expect this from her, so it's not so alarming as it once was. The severity usually coincides with her emotional state, so I tend now to pay attention. The bonus is that I can offer a comment or opinion, she will appear like she hasn't receive it, but I get a change of behavior later.
That last one is truly subjective to me. Since everyone processes differently it's always a hoot to find out what everyone experienced or how they "perceived" it. It's like looking at a Rubik cube, changing sides and potential for confusion or solutions.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
My Friend
How many people do we have in our lives that are truly our friends? A friend that you can call at 2am and they will answer because it's you. A friend that will listen to you blubber, ramble or chatter about anything, because it's you. I guess I am lucky, because I have a couple of people in my life that fits that bill. I can't imagine my life without them. There has been others that have come and gone in my life I had hoped we would be close, but alas no. So I developed a hierarchy of friendship:
Siamese Twin Friend - This is the person you love to hug and talk with. Nothing is sacred, you have both seen the worst and best of each other...and still like them. This is the person who you want raising your kids, the first person you want to tell you've won the lottery, the person you ask when something strange is growing on your body and the person you sign on for your living will. You can't imagine a day without talking with them and they are probably the first numbers before 911 on your speed dial.
Secret-Keepers - This is a person who has probably known you for a long time. Who has one or more delicious secrets on you and you probably have some on them. This person can be a family member, spouse or someone you grew up with. You generally stay in touch with them and are privy to a lot of details in their lives, but not all. There is a line in this relationship, such as, you would call them if you were dying but they may not be the first call. This is still a close and intimate relationship but not as close as a Siamese friend would be.
Live-In - This is a person that you have or are living with. These people can exist as Siamese or below that because living with someone creates a bond that you may not share with another. Sometimes these people can be spouses, friends and/or family members. This is an intimate relationship because you get to see what they are really like when they are not "trying" to impress you...and you them. Where they put their dirty laundry, how much of a pig they really are, do they shower as often as they should, things like that. Despite the intimacy, you both "do your own thing".
Borrower - This is a person you can call if you need something, but keep it between the normal working hours of 10am - 8pm. You have spent time together and generally get on well, the conversation has usually 2-3 main topics that you share. This is a nice safe relationship because it doesn't really require too much emotional depth, it's easy and safe. You can usually borrow things from them and visa-versa, such as clothes, lawn equipment, cars. These types of friends are nice to have as neighbors.
Co-Worker - This is a person that you work with on a pretty regular basis. You are friendly with this person and share general information about your lives. Sometimes you get together outside of work, movies, drinks, etc. This person can develop into more but usually not. You both share a common point in your lives and once that connection is gone, the friendship dwindles. Some try to maintain, but without that daily dose that made the union, it just becomes to difficult and usually drops off within months.
I'll-Drink-to-That - These are the friends you drink with. Usually more than one, because drinking in a group is so much more fun! They are the life of the party, or maybe it's you, but beyond that you have no idea what they are like. Sometimes you see them at their worst, puking or sputtering about life, but you take it in stride because that is part of the party code. You care enough about them that you don't want to see them drink-and-drive.
Dude - This a person you see at different functions, events or gatherings. You definitely know their name and generally like them, but really don't see each other much beyond that. Ironically this can be family members as much as a friend. You share something, but it is kind of distant.
Whoya - This person is a friend of a friend. Comes with a package deal, sometimes with a spouse or another friend. You might like them but when it comes down to it, you won't pursue a relationship beyond where it is.
Parental - This is a person you are friendly to because your kids like each other. Generally you share small talk and visit while your kids play. The occasion you see them usually occur around birthdays, school functions, sporting events, club meetings or at the grocery store. You might remember their name, but have to think about it. These people can move up the list into another friend category but probably not. Backgrounds, personal philosophies, religion usually play a factor into not maintaining the friendship.
Most people float around the bottom of the list, sometimes straddling more than one category, but very few make it to the top 3. Sort of like the cream rising in your friendship. I have struggled with this in my head for a long time. What makes a friend? Why do some exist where they are and some don't? If you don't have people in your top three, what does that mean for you? If you have a lot...are you being real? After my kids, my friends play a serious role in my life, and make a dramatic effect on my life. I have discovered that if I don't get "out" more and expand my horizons then my list of friends dwindles. And to top that...I am getting older, which means they will start to die off as well, so..."make new friends, but keep the old..."
Siamese Twin Friend - This is the person you love to hug and talk with. Nothing is sacred, you have both seen the worst and best of each other...and still like them. This is the person who you want raising your kids, the first person you want to tell you've won the lottery, the person you ask when something strange is growing on your body and the person you sign on for your living will. You can't imagine a day without talking with them and they are probably the first numbers before 911 on your speed dial.
Secret-Keepers - This is a person who has probably known you for a long time. Who has one or more delicious secrets on you and you probably have some on them. This person can be a family member, spouse or someone you grew up with. You generally stay in touch with them and are privy to a lot of details in their lives, but not all. There is a line in this relationship, such as, you would call them if you were dying but they may not be the first call. This is still a close and intimate relationship but not as close as a Siamese friend would be.
Live-In - This is a person that you have or are living with. These people can exist as Siamese or below that because living with someone creates a bond that you may not share with another. Sometimes these people can be spouses, friends and/or family members. This is an intimate relationship because you get to see what they are really like when they are not "trying" to impress you...and you them. Where they put their dirty laundry, how much of a pig they really are, do they shower as often as they should, things like that. Despite the intimacy, you both "do your own thing".
Borrower - This is a person you can call if you need something, but keep it between the normal working hours of 10am - 8pm. You have spent time together and generally get on well, the conversation has usually 2-3 main topics that you share. This is a nice safe relationship because it doesn't really require too much emotional depth, it's easy and safe. You can usually borrow things from them and visa-versa, such as clothes, lawn equipment, cars. These types of friends are nice to have as neighbors.
Co-Worker - This is a person that you work with on a pretty regular basis. You are friendly with this person and share general information about your lives. Sometimes you get together outside of work, movies, drinks, etc. This person can develop into more but usually not. You both share a common point in your lives and once that connection is gone, the friendship dwindles. Some try to maintain, but without that daily dose that made the union, it just becomes to difficult and usually drops off within months.
I'll-Drink-to-That - These are the friends you drink with. Usually more than one, because drinking in a group is so much more fun! They are the life of the party, or maybe it's you, but beyond that you have no idea what they are like. Sometimes you see them at their worst, puking or sputtering about life, but you take it in stride because that is part of the party code. You care enough about them that you don't want to see them drink-and-drive.
Dude - This a person you see at different functions, events or gatherings. You definitely know their name and generally like them, but really don't see each other much beyond that. Ironically this can be family members as much as a friend. You share something, but it is kind of distant.
Whoya - This person is a friend of a friend. Comes with a package deal, sometimes with a spouse or another friend. You might like them but when it comes down to it, you won't pursue a relationship beyond where it is.
Parental - This is a person you are friendly to because your kids like each other. Generally you share small talk and visit while your kids play. The occasion you see them usually occur around birthdays, school functions, sporting events, club meetings or at the grocery store. You might remember their name, but have to think about it. These people can move up the list into another friend category but probably not. Backgrounds, personal philosophies, religion usually play a factor into not maintaining the friendship.
Most people float around the bottom of the list, sometimes straddling more than one category, but very few make it to the top 3. Sort of like the cream rising in your friendship. I have struggled with this in my head for a long time. What makes a friend? Why do some exist where they are and some don't? If you don't have people in your top three, what does that mean for you? If you have a lot...are you being real? After my kids, my friends play a serious role in my life, and make a dramatic effect on my life. I have discovered that if I don't get "out" more and expand my horizons then my list of friends dwindles. And to top that...I am getting older, which means they will start to die off as well, so..."make new friends, but keep the old..."
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