Are you there?

I am old enough to remember what it was like to make plans with someone ahead of time and expect them to show up.  To remember that we had to look for a phone booth if you needed to make a call while you were out.  But I am still young enough to enjoy the technology of gizmos and gadgets that keep us connected. 

However, some days I just don't want to be found.   There are days where I don't want someone calling me on my cell, my house line, skyping me or calling on each of my familys' cell phones.  Or even texting me, emailing me, or faxing me.  There is a deliciously scary feeling to be "out of touch".  The silence and tranquility of knowing you are independent of that tether.  The knowing you are free from demands, expectations or requests, even for a short period of time.

The flip side is that it is scary, this we never conceived when were younger.  What if we need help?  What if there is an emergency?  That is a part of the layer of connectiveness we live with by being plugged in.  Always certain that we will have a connection if we need help or assistance or even access to answering a simple question that we just thought about.

But are we more connected?  Or is it an illusion?

Silent

Silent.

That is what I am when I feel like you are not listening.

Silent.

That is what I am when I want to know what people are not saying.

Silent.

That is the safe place in my head where I can not be hurt.

Silent.

That is what I am.

Window into their world

It seems I have developed a proclivity for looking into people's lives and there are number of different ways I do this.  First, I enjoying reading Facebook statuses, especially when they give out a bit of information about what is going on in their lives.  Just enough, like an amuse-bouche at dinner.  It wets my appetite for information and really doesn't require a huge conversation to get it.  It makes me feel like I have an idea what is going on in a person's life and that I haven't lost touch with them. 

Second, I love following blogs of friends and then of some of people I don't even know.  It is like I've had a conversation with them, but at my leisure.  I can re-read and pursue through at my own speed.  This also gives me a view of them, a piece of what they have put out to the world, a glimpse into their minds.  I only wish I knew more people who blogged, it is fun tasting the flavor of someone else's writing.

Third, photos.  These are the most fun because you have captured a person or group in a moment.  But this is not the part that I like best, it is the background.  This is where I like to look.  It is a scavenger hunt into a person's life, and I especially hope for photos that are taken in people's homes.  I look at what they have laying around in their pictures.  What pictures are on the wall or what is in that cupboard left hanging open.  Most people don't "think" about their backdrops before snapping candid photos, so that is why I like them.  They are innocent and fresh from deceit about what they have in their lives.

To me, it's fun collecting tid-bits of information about people, not for nefarious purposes, but to flavor how I see them, rounding out their personalities to me.  People leave bread crumbs of information about themselves, the fun part is collecting them to make a loaf.  

Bad noises at the gym.

I wandered in to the gym last week without an ounce of desire to be there, but since I crumbled under the girls' pestering to "play" at the gym, I figured I would make it look good.

I slipped on my headphones, adjusted my mp3 player to something that seemed appropriate to a fake workout mode and threw myself back on the exercise ball to stretch. With muscles aching and bones popping, I lolled in a bad imitation of a bridge.

Ahhhh...that was nice, I was wondering how long I could stay there before someone called the paramedics. With my head teetering above the ground a weird sound filtered around the music blaring in my ears. I wrinkled my brow and glanced around.

No one was looking at me and I couldn't determine where it was coming from, so I pulled one earphone and listened to see if I could hear it again.

Then it came again.

OMG! It sounded like someone was having sex.

I sat up on my exercise ball quickly, more than willing to forgo my body's punishment and find out who was making these god-awful sex noises.

I casually saunter around the machines looking surreptitiously for the grunting & groaning moaner. I reach the farthest end of the gym where this 60+, white headed hippie was in the process of a squat when he let out this intense, guttural groan that made me blush.

I hurried away, snickering under my breath. I guess when I get that age, stuff like might me feel that way...who knows.

Things that feel lucsious

Cuddling with my dog & running my hands through her soft fur

Cuddling with my kids when they are feeling squishy

Playing with my hair for the rest of the day after it is cut & styled

Reading a book in a quiet house

Watching a movie in a quiet house

Taking a hot, hot shower after working in the cold, wet weather

That first cup of coffee

A chocolate bar when you are starving

Minky fabric

Freshly shaved legs

Sleeping in

An Orgasm

Putting on your Jammie pants for the day

A foot rub, leg rub, back rub...

A 5-10 minute kiss

Sleeping in your bed after camping with little Girl Scouts/Boy Scouts

Putting your feet up after being on them all day

A drink after a long, very loud and long day