Dear Mr. President,

What did you have for dinner last night?  I bet it wasn't hot dogs, because that is what we had, the only thing we could afford right now.  Or was your belly full from the meal your personal chef created or the dinner you had at a restaurant?

Do you ever look into your fridge and wonder if you will be able to feed your girls?  Do you ever wonder if your paycheck will cover what you need in a month?   Or if you will soon have to move because you can afford the rent?

I am happy that we have enough to have roof over us & food right now, because it could be so much worse.  But we are definitely headed that way.  Each month our ability to stretch our paycheck is incredibly harder.  Even Elastigilr had her limits.  We pay more rent because our landlord has expenses too.  We pay more utilities because the taxes and fee hikes are passed.  We pay more for gas for our cars because oil companies & our own government are greedy.  We pay more for less food because company still want to make a profit, so why not gouge the consumers.  

I wish I could run my finances like our banking system or even the federal government, then I would always have money.  I could pay my bills by taking money from others and putting it into a corrupt account.  And if I made mistakes with my money, I would be guaranteed a bailout without repercussions, like losing my home or job.

But I guess that world isn't the USA.

Sneaky kids

Part of me really enjoys the sneakiness of my children. It shows that they are intelligent and have initiative to concoct a scheme to get around me. And I understand my role perfectly, to provide that level of difficulty for achievement. This is done by watching them, listening to them, anticipating their movements and intercepting them, depends on what they are trying accomplish. Stealing a cookie is pretty low on the rung of sneaky, but slipping out to go to a party, ranks pretty high and requires a lot of due diligence on my part.

I love to watch them mentally work out the dynamics of their master plan, devising their scheme of action, their necessity of accomplices and their required tools for their goal. It's a lot more apparent with the little ones, they haven't learned the art of masking their intentions, so it's a lot more apparent and easier to read. The older they get, the more impressive they become in their deviousness and ingenuity.

It's a delicate balance between ensuring their safety, allowing them to use their intelligence and thus building upon it, and providing just enough challenge to be interesting.

Don't get me wrong, this is just the "normal" stuff kids will do to flex their proverbial wings in their growth to adult. I am not talking about the seriously scary stuff that comes with drugs or alcohol. That is a whole other topic and is not any fun at all.

Mmmmm...better go see what they are up to now.

Art of Paying Bills

What they don't teach in school is the art of paying bills.  It's an integral part of our lives, truly no one can escape it unless they live in a forest in the mountains.   The ease of paying a bill lies in the amount of money you have at your disposal.   I know that's really kind of a given, but it must be said because the art is when you don't have enough to pay each and every bill you have each month.  Even wealthy people have this dilemma, because most live to within their means or beyond, not matter their tax bracket. 

The most basic needs must be met first, rent or mortgage whether you agree or not, without a roof over your head, the other bills really can become moot.  This is usually a cost for the bulk of your income, if your lucky maybe 1/4  but usually for the middle income bracket, it's about a 1/3.  When it's 1/2 it becomes a dangerous area of survival, especially for families.

Next is utilities, such as electric, heat & water.  While you can fudge on paying this bill but probably only during the summers in the north, it's considered a basic requirement.   We all like to see in the dark, keep our food cold in the fridge and maybe take a bath or wash our clothes.   The juggling becomes interesting when this item is split into it's components; electric, gas/oil, water.  We will usually pick the one we need the most, electric & water. 

Another basic need that must be met and has the greatest flexibility is food.  Buying for one or two is a whole lot different than buying for a family.  A family's requirements are more stringent in what is required to insure a healthy child/children.  Thus, this cost is a big chunk out of a budget, sometimes as much as the utility, if not more.   Planning and execution can assist with keeping the cost down, but the economy can make this a difficult task. 

So if you have achieved paying your month outgoing cost to this point and you still have money left, congratulations.  Now the fun begins.  What do you pay next?  This is where you now enter the luxury portion of your life.  A car usually tops the list, because without a mode of travel, most cannot get to their job, so a car payment and the very least, gas, must be included. 

Next comes comforts, those can be different as the person buying them.  TV, phones, clothes, sports, coffee, lunch and/or dinner out, movies, books, etc.   These are where budget get cut.  Ever feel like you are the government?  This would be art and science department for schools, the "extras". 

Now if you still have funds available after your necessities and luxury, savings & investments are always a great bet.  This is where you can build of the little bit of extra you have right now, so in the future you can fall back into a feather bed instead of the hard concrete of life.   This is probably the most elusive to do when meeting basic needs is a challenge. 

One item that I guess baffles me because I am not a church-going person is the money that is given to a church.  I don't pretend to understand it, but I see where this is important to a lot of people.  A portion is given to the church, to each person or family it's different, but no matter how much is made, those that are loyal to their church will donate.  Even cutting into their basic need requirement costs.

Lastly, is taxes.  We can't escape them, although a few have tried.  This a major cut to our actual income and usually an expense we never really "see" because they like to scoop out of our ice cream bucket before we get it home from the store.  If we are lucky, we get a refund every year, but no where near what we paid into the "system". 

So each month is a balancing act to make sure the basic needs are met and still luxuries are available so life is more bearable.  Now to pass on that wisdom to the kids, when did they stop doing that in schools?  Now that's a life skill worth having.





 

Notes

Note:

: a brief comment or explanation: a printed comment or reference set apart from the text: a piece of paper money: a short informal letter: a formal diplomatic communication

I love notes.  A short little written passage that people never correct or change but allow to spill from their brain or heart.  This little touch of personal communication is an art that we truly do not appreciate.  So start writing.

Are you there?

I am old enough to remember what it was like to make plans with someone ahead of time and expect them to show up.  To remember that we had to look for a phone booth if you needed to make a call while you were out.  But I am still young enough to enjoy the technology of gizmos and gadgets that keep us connected. 

However, some days I just don't want to be found.   There are days where I don't want someone calling me on my cell, my house line, skyping me or calling on each of my familys' cell phones.  Or even texting me, emailing me, or faxing me.  There is a deliciously scary feeling to be "out of touch".  The silence and tranquility of knowing you are independent of that tether.  The knowing you are free from demands, expectations or requests, even for a short period of time.

The flip side is that it is scary, this we never conceived when were younger.  What if we need help?  What if there is an emergency?  That is a part of the layer of connectiveness we live with by being plugged in.  Always certain that we will have a connection if we need help or assistance or even access to answering a simple question that we just thought about.

But are we more connected?  Or is it an illusion?

Silent

Silent.

That is what I am when I feel like you are not listening.

Silent.

That is what I am when I want to know what people are not saying.

Silent.

That is the safe place in my head where I can not be hurt.

Silent.

That is what I am.

Window into their world

It seems I have developed a proclivity for looking into people's lives and there are number of different ways I do this.  First, I enjoying reading Facebook statuses, especially when they give out a bit of information about what is going on in their lives.  Just enough, like an amuse-bouche at dinner.  It wets my appetite for information and really doesn't require a huge conversation to get it.  It makes me feel like I have an idea what is going on in a person's life and that I haven't lost touch with them. 

Second, I love following blogs of friends and then of some of people I don't even know.  It is like I've had a conversation with them, but at my leisure.  I can re-read and pursue through at my own speed.  This also gives me a view of them, a piece of what they have put out to the world, a glimpse into their minds.  I only wish I knew more people who blogged, it is fun tasting the flavor of someone else's writing.

Third, photos.  These are the most fun because you have captured a person or group in a moment.  But this is not the part that I like best, it is the background.  This is where I like to look.  It is a scavenger hunt into a person's life, and I especially hope for photos that are taken in people's homes.  I look at what they have laying around in their pictures.  What pictures are on the wall or what is in that cupboard left hanging open.  Most people don't "think" about their backdrops before snapping candid photos, so that is why I like them.  They are innocent and fresh from deceit about what they have in their lives.

To me, it's fun collecting tid-bits of information about people, not for nefarious purposes, but to flavor how I see them, rounding out their personalities to me.  People leave bread crumbs of information about themselves, the fun part is collecting them to make a loaf.  

Bad noises at the gym.

I wandered in to the gym last week without an ounce of desire to be there, but since I crumbled under the girls' pestering to "play" at the gym, I figured I would make it look good.

I slipped on my headphones, adjusted my mp3 player to something that seemed appropriate to a fake workout mode and threw myself back on the exercise ball to stretch. With muscles aching and bones popping, I lolled in a bad imitation of a bridge.

Ahhhh...that was nice, I was wondering how long I could stay there before someone called the paramedics. With my head teetering above the ground a weird sound filtered around the music blaring in my ears. I wrinkled my brow and glanced around.

No one was looking at me and I couldn't determine where it was coming from, so I pulled one earphone and listened to see if I could hear it again.

Then it came again.

OMG! It sounded like someone was having sex.

I sat up on my exercise ball quickly, more than willing to forgo my body's punishment and find out who was making these god-awful sex noises.

I casually saunter around the machines looking surreptitiously for the grunting & groaning moaner. I reach the farthest end of the gym where this 60+, white headed hippie was in the process of a squat when he let out this intense, guttural groan that made me blush.

I hurried away, snickering under my breath. I guess when I get that age, stuff like might me feel that way...who knows.

Things that feel lucsious

Cuddling with my dog & running my hands through her soft fur

Cuddling with my kids when they are feeling squishy

Playing with my hair for the rest of the day after it is cut & styled

Reading a book in a quiet house

Watching a movie in a quiet house

Taking a hot, hot shower after working in the cold, wet weather

That first cup of coffee

A chocolate bar when you are starving

Minky fabric

Freshly shaved legs

Sleeping in

An Orgasm

Putting on your Jammie pants for the day

A foot rub, leg rub, back rub...

A 5-10 minute kiss

Sleeping in your bed after camping with little Girl Scouts/Boy Scouts

Putting your feet up after being on them all day

A drink after a long, very loud and long day

What do you think about me?

I've always wondered what people think about me. Because God knows what goes on inside my head isn't what people see...I hope.


People are usually honest after someone dies, well sort of. More honest than when some one is alive. So I've imagined what it would look like after I die. I am hovering about my family and friends while they gather, keep in mind I would have to perished at a tender age for this to interesting.


What would they say? I've imagined many things, but how close would they be to reality? Would I be hurt by what is said, happy, touched, annoyed, outraged or what? This is the true mystery of life to me, how others view me.


Oh well, I guess I'll keep guessing...unless you really want to tell me?

Friends

People are funny, not in the ha-ha kind of way but in the I-find-that-interesting-way. The best way to see that is to look around at the people in your life. Not at your family, those people are strange and bizarre, at least mine are, no matter how you view them.

Look at your friends, those people you've let into your life, those who you choose to spend time with. This is actually a fun exercise in who you are. How you ask?

Well, think about one of your friends, got it? What personality traits spring to mind about them? Be honest, no one is listening in your head (I hope).

What would say about them? What things do you love/like about them? What traits annoy the crap out of you? Okay, got those? You can write them down if you need to...I'll wait...

How does this relate to you? Well, think about the part that you love/like and how this makes you feel. Are you missing that part in you and does this person fill that in you? Or does it compliment you because you both share it? The same question goes for things you dislike about them. Is this a reflection in you or is it something you need to learn from them?

How often do we evaluate our friends in our lives? Family, hell yes! Nothing is more bizarre the eclecticism of people who share DNA. Do you ever look at your friends and wonder what drew you too together? Why you stay together? What do they provide to you and you to them?

This kind of relationship is the most interesting in my life, the one I truly find fascinating. Spouses make sense, kids, parents & siblings make sense and how it's all connected and drawn together. But friends, friends are truly free will. And that makes them so very special.

Hangover

Movie premieres at midnight are insane, but I found myself there last night waiting with all the other crazy people for the next installment of Hangover 2. Ignore the fact I would normally be in bed at this time sleeping peacefully but instead find myself sitting in a sticky seat next to loud and annoying neighbors for the opportunity to see the release first.

I've done this before with the Twilight & New Moon midnight releases and luckily tonight we didn't have to camp in the lobby waiting for a theater. How I let Quinn convince me this was a great idea is truly beyond my comprehension, maybe because I am seconds away from nodding off in my chair.

So we sit and wait. And wait. And wait...the screen flashes, the crowd cheers, but then nothing. Chuckling abounds and voices range in a mix of snide comments to excitement. Still we continue to wait, time ticking by. 5 minutes slide into 10 then into 20, but still no wonderful graphics show up on the screen. People become restless, the energy is feeling hostile, irritability begins to rise in the room.

We see people get up and leave, a few here and there. Then more. A few people return and now talk has begun to circulate that the movie is delayed a 1 1/2hr...so we discuss whether we want to stay and wait. Why not, getting through the crowd right now would take just as long.

We look around and see a relatively empty theater, so we get up and find a better seat, woohoo, we scored!

Then a staff person comes in. Bad news, they are unable to get the movie going and we can go out and get a new ticket/pass and that they are very sorry. UGH! It's now almost 1am and we have really nothing to show for it. But what can you do. The staff was very apologetic and there is only so much you can do to control technology. When it won't work, it won't work.

So we trudge down the step looking wistfully at our great seats and join the throng of waiting, annoyed movie goers for their free pass. Generously the theater also gave our money back for our concessions, which was a bonus for me because I used my free popcorn coupon. I should feel bad, but I just sat for almost 2 hours for a movie that wasn't going to happen, so I don't.

We did arrive home ahead of schedule, too bad I now couldn't sleep and stayed up until 3am, which would have been our original arrival time back home. Irony at it's finest.

Maybe we will get to see the movie this weekend...maybe.

Teenager drivers

I've entered a new phase in my life, I knew it was coming because it's a natural progression in life. My teenager is driving.

For those who have lived it, I share your shudder. It is a horrifying experience. There is no better way to explain how you can put your life in the hands of a person who has no legal rights that are recognized. And if they happen to actually kill you, will be gifted to another family.

It's not like they listen to you normally, now you have to tell them what to do behind the wheel of YOUR car. If I had a dollar for every time I heard, "Yeah, yeah, Mom, I know!", I would have a better car!

Let's start with the word STOP. It seems pretty clear doesn't it? It means to halt all action, to cease movement. Well, apparently this was not in the manual or on the Washington State Driving test because I find when I say, "Stop", I begin to repeat myself, progressively getting louder and louder as we hurtle toward to item I didn't want to hit in the first place. When she finally hits the brakes in a bone jarring halt with us slamming back and forth like a paddle ball, I get "I was stopping" sneer. Really? My chiropractor will probably disagree.

Next is, "What are those line for?" MMmmmmm...imagine if they were there because we are supposed to stay between them. I am truly surprised we haven't been pulled over for weaving like a drunk before now, it's sad on how many turtles she has killed.

This one is my favorite, other people share the road. It happens. But OH MY GOD, she totally freaks out when a car starts following her or heaven-forbid a biker is along side the road. I have feared for the safety of those unsuspecting targets, sweating as we whiz by narrowly missing them. Luckily we've gotten past the issue of cars coming toward us, that sent her into fits for awhile and gave me some additional gray to my hair.

We haven't graduated to the freeway yet, I don't think I'm ready just yet. That may require a trip to the store for some Depends.

Death cry

We are bloodthirsty, there is no sugar coating it. It doesn't matter how far we have come in our evolution whether that is spiritual, psychological or emotional, we still want blood. Eye for an eye.

This is demonstrated by our love of violence in movies and music, our perpetuation of war-like behavior in other countries, our rubber-necking at accident scenes, our gleeful desire to the humiliation of a public person, and so on. And now the nation-wide laugh to the death of Osama bin Laden.

I love technology and how a thought, story or idea can just fly across our world in a few short minutes. And all I see right now is how people are happy at the death of a man. Granted, he is an evil man, killing thousands in a heinous attack. But to rejoice in his demise, that is where we enter the twilight zone.

I understand the need for retribution, but does it truly bring peace? Are we a better nation because OBL is dead? Does it ease the suffering of those who were devastated at the twin tower bombing? This I will never know, but it truly saddens me when other are gladden at the killing of another. How are they different?

Part of me wonders if the story is really true, but that is a story for another day.

Humiliation at the grocery store

Humiliation (also called stultification) is the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission. It can be brought about through bullying, intimidation, physical or mental mistreatment or trickery, or by embarrassment if a person is revealed to have committed a socially or legally unacceptable act.

That is where I found myself. I can stand many things and have done so, but there is something I've never gotten over is the grocery line and how humiliating it can be.

Let's count the ways grocery lines are humiliating:

1) Not being fast enough loading your items on that stupid conveyor belt

2) Not having your cloth bags first in line before the food, because now the bag person is putting your groceries in plastic bags

3) Having to dig for your coupons, but you put them away so you could load the aforementioned food onto the conveyor belt

4) Having kids with you

5) Having kids who won't stop touching the conveyor belt

6) Having kids who start playing and asking and begging for the candy that is right at their level

7) Having kids hang on you, the counter, the cart while trying to pay, load or just get through the line

8) A crying, screaming or just complaining child

9) Asking, God-forbid, if the computer made a mistake and now you must hold up the line for them to check their screen, then the receipt, then the screen, then the receipt...

10) Asking for a rain-check, which has to be filled out by hand and the checker NEVER knows the specials or the price

11) Forgetting your pin number when you swipe your debit card

And the most BIGGEST humiliation....

12) Not having enough money with you to pay for your groceries so you are forced to select 1 or more items that must be put back

And don't get me started on Self-Check-out...a new and disturbing way to embarrass us and show how incompetent we really are with those stupid scanners and if we can bag correctly.

Sam, growling Sam

My cat has worms.

Not really surprise when you see how many moles, mice & birds she has taken down. Which she then chooses to eat either just the moist and sticky innards or the head...God forbid both.

These are the treats she leaves outside the door for us to find. Which I happily give my husband the job of disposing of the decimated corpse.

The really fun part is when she catches them and brings them inside, still alive. The first time she did this was about 2 months ago. I hear this creature growling as I am sitting at my desk. I looked over at the dog who was sleeping peacefully next to the desk, it wasn't her. I get up to go investigate.

Sam, that's the kitty in question, a grey American shorthair has a cute little furry mouse trapped in her mouth. It's wiggling. Okay...

But that isn't why she is growling. Leo, our orange Norwegian Forest cat is sitting with a few feet of Sam, staring at her bored, clearly demonstrating no designs on the wiggling mouse in her mouth. But Sam continues to respond with deep throated growls.

I can not believe my cat is growling like a Rottweiler. I am deeply amused, so I step closer.

Sam whips her head around and began to growling at me, warning me off. The close I get the deeper they become. I am truly fascinated.

But now she has had enough of me and my antics and doesn't want to take the chance of me stealing her prize, so she takes off under the table. I then realize my folly, if Sam drops it, there could be mouse in the house. So not where I was going with this.

I rush to open the door wide and start shooing Sam out the door. She is definitely not pleased with me and growls menacingly, scuttling to the side away from me. Crap, now I just want her out so she can do what she needs to outside. I really don't want to be cleaning up intestines. Or wonder if she did eat the damn head.

Finally she darts out the door, clutching the mouse firmly in her mouth. I sigh.

I wander upstairs to get some coffee and look out the back window and I see Sam sitting in the grass. Then I see a bouncing little shape trying desperately to escape in the grass. Good luck mouse, at least you are outside..

Why I slept in

Why I was sleeping in today...

Ayla woke me up at 3 am because she fell down the stairs...so I slammed out of bed to get her. She was lying at the bottom of the stair, screaming. I turned on a light to look at her, she was sprawled out on her belly so I knew she probably didn't have any serious injuries. I asked her if she could get up, which she did. I took her back to my bed because she was crying and has been sick, running a fever and hacking coughs all day.

So then at 5 am she woke me up to go to the bathroom and asked me to move so she could get by. I sat up, and felt her move behind me. I reached back to touch my pillow ended up knocking her over into the end table. I hear the thump and then "I'm bleeding! I'm bleeding!"

So I rush to turn on the light, but it was just out of reach, so I went to get out of bed, tangled my legs in the blankets and fell onto the floor and cracked my head into my dresser.

I shook my head wincing, got up and turned on the light and I see Ayla with blood pouring out of her face. Dave finally wakes up and says "What's up?".

I grab a wad of tissues next to my bed and press them against Ayla's nose and check her for where she was hurt and growled at Dave to go get a towel because I see blood all over the bed. Ayla is sobbing and shaking, in fear and because her fever has spiked. All I can do is moan with her because I can feel that I have their cold/flu as well, I am so very tired and feeling totally guilty.

So we get her nose under control, give her an cold rag for the split lip and medicine for her fever, threw a towel over the bloody area and crawl back into bed.

That's why I was still sleeping at 8am. :D

Password Hell

I've reached a point in my life where I am older, not technically old, but definitely gracing the covers of AARP soon enough. I truly realize this moment when I try to remember my pins, because GOD-forbid we have just one for every account, card, or bill paying event we might have.

This hits me while I am standing in Costco after a very long day and an exhaustive shopping trip that had to be done. I am tired. I have 5 kids, so that isn't too surprising, but my brain capacity has reached a maxed energy usage and I feel the breakers starting to make that snapping noise.

The checker looks at me expectantly, his pseudo-patient stare letting me know his part is done...now pay. I swipe my card. And stand there. I rifle through my wearied memory banks to find the right digits that I need to punch into the stupid card machine. How many freakin' numbers do I really need? People can hack my account at any given time, do I really need 10 different pin numbers? I start to sweat because I know I have a finite amount of chances before the gormless machine locks me out. It happened before and it wasn't pretty.

My fingers are hovering over the buttons and a series of numbers float to the top of my muddy mind. Praying, I tap the numbers in and wait, "Did I do it? Did I get them right?". The transaction floats through and the checker dismisses me with my mile-long receipt. As I turn to retrieve my cart, I wonder, why does this have to be so hard?

I have pin numbers for all my debit cards, my bank accounts, my bill accounts and they are all different. I know we haven't tapped the true extent of our minds, but some days it feels like it.

But I realize that that is nothing compared to the passwords I have to remember. Luckily, most websites give you "email your password" to you, I just wish the ATM machine was a supportive.