Nothing infuriates me more than being accused of something that I haven't done...and then being in trouble for it. Ugh!!! I have discovered that even in America you can be tried and convicted on a thought. Not in a court of law, mind you, but in a rumor. The subtltey of it is what is the most cutting to it's power. There is always a grain of truth, especially to get people to buy it, but the teller has so much ability to add what she wishes.
Words can damage so many things, people or situations. Look at many politicians that have lost races or careers based upon a rumor. The story always gets blown out of porportion because it's always more juicy to add your own twist, so then the truth is so mired in bullshit that you can't possilby see what it was that really started.
I watch my daughter navigate the halls of her middle school and see the viciousness of the girls she must contend with. I know this brings out that particular trait within her, just to survive. I see it everyday when she comes home, wearing it like a cloak to protect her while she is "learning". I've read Queenbees and Wannabees and have seen it broken down into it's elements, so on a analytical level, it makes sense.
But what attounds me, we women never grow out it. Every situation I have encountered, there is still that dynamic that surrounds women. Why? There are those who don't play the "game", but they probably never did or maybe they just grew up. I said "we" because I was very good at it in school...so hateful, I look back and wish I could have been different. I know that I can't, I just take it and learn and hope to be a better person and more importantly pass this onto my daughters. So, I'll take this, learn and grow...what else can I do?
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
My Friend
How many people do we have in our lives that are truly our friends? A friend that you can call at 2am and they will answer because it's you. A friend that will listen to you blubber, ramble or chatter about anything, because it's you. I guess I am lucky, because I have a couple of people in my life that fits that bill. I can't imagine my life without them. There has been others that have come and gone in my life I had hoped we would be close, but alas no. So I developed a hierarchy of friendship:
Siamese Twin Friend - This is the person you love to hug and talk with. Nothing is sacred, you have both seen the worst and best of each other...and still like them. This is the person who you want raising your kids, the first person you want to tell you've won the lottery, the person you ask when something strange is growing on your body and the person you sign on for your living will. You can't imagine a day without talking with them and they are probably the first numbers before 911 on your speed dial.
Secret-Keepers - This is a person who has probably known you for a long time. Who has one or more delicious secrets on you and you probably have some on them. This person can be a family member, spouse or someone you grew up with. You generally stay in touch with them and are privy to a lot of details in their lives, but not all. There is a line in this relationship, such as, you would call them if you were dying but they may not be the first call. This is still a close and intimate relationship but not as close as a Siamese friend would be.
Live-In - This is a person that you have or are living with. These people can exist as Siamese or below that because living with someone creates a bond that you may not share with another. Sometimes these people can be spouses, friends and/or family members. This is an intimate relationship because you get to see what they are really like when they are not "trying" to impress you...and you them. Where they put their dirty laundry, how much of a pig they really are, do they shower as often as they should, things like that. Despite the intimacy, you both "do your own thing".
Borrower - This is a person you can call if you need something, but keep it between the normal working hours of 10am - 8pm. You have spent time together and generally get on well, the conversation has usually 2-3 main topics that you share. This is a nice safe relationship because it doesn't really require too much emotional depth, it's easy and safe. You can usually borrow things from them and visa-versa, such as clothes, lawn equipment, cars. These types of friends are nice to have as neighbors.
Co-Worker - This is a person that you work with on a pretty regular basis. You are friendly with this person and share general information about your lives. Sometimes you get together outside of work, movies, drinks, etc. This person can develop into more but usually not. You both share a common point in your lives and once that connection is gone, the friendship dwindles. Some try to maintain, but without that daily dose that made the union, it just becomes to difficult and usually drops off within months.
I'll-Drink-to-That - These are the friends you drink with. Usually more than one, because drinking in a group is so much more fun! They are the life of the party, or maybe it's you, but beyond that you have no idea what they are like. Sometimes you see them at their worst, puking or sputtering about life, but you take it in stride because that is part of the party code. You care enough about them that you don't want to see them drink-and-drive.
Dude - This a person you see at different functions, events or gatherings. You definitely know their name and generally like them, but really don't see each other much beyond that. Ironically this can be family members as much as a friend. You share something, but it is kind of distant.
Whoya - This person is a friend of a friend. Comes with a package deal, sometimes with a spouse or another friend. You might like them but when it comes down to it, you won't pursue a relationship beyond where it is.
Parental - This is a person you are friendly to because your kids like each other. Generally you share small talk and visit while your kids play. The occasion you see them usually occur around birthdays, school functions, sporting events, club meetings or at the grocery store. You might remember their name, but have to think about it. These people can move up the list into another friend category but probably not. Backgrounds, personal philosophies, religion usually play a factor into not maintaining the friendship.
Most people float around the bottom of the list, sometimes straddling more than one category, but very few make it to the top 3. Sort of like the cream rising in your friendship. I have struggled with this in my head for a long time. What makes a friend? Why do some exist where they are and some don't? If you don't have people in your top three, what does that mean for you? If you have a lot...are you being real? After my kids, my friends play a serious role in my life, and make a dramatic effect on my life. I have discovered that if I don't get "out" more and expand my horizons then my list of friends dwindles. And to top that...I am getting older, which means they will start to die off as well, so..."make new friends, but keep the old..."
Siamese Twin Friend - This is the person you love to hug and talk with. Nothing is sacred, you have both seen the worst and best of each other...and still like them. This is the person who you want raising your kids, the first person you want to tell you've won the lottery, the person you ask when something strange is growing on your body and the person you sign on for your living will. You can't imagine a day without talking with them and they are probably the first numbers before 911 on your speed dial.
Secret-Keepers - This is a person who has probably known you for a long time. Who has one or more delicious secrets on you and you probably have some on them. This person can be a family member, spouse or someone you grew up with. You generally stay in touch with them and are privy to a lot of details in their lives, but not all. There is a line in this relationship, such as, you would call them if you were dying but they may not be the first call. This is still a close and intimate relationship but not as close as a Siamese friend would be.
Live-In - This is a person that you have or are living with. These people can exist as Siamese or below that because living with someone creates a bond that you may not share with another. Sometimes these people can be spouses, friends and/or family members. This is an intimate relationship because you get to see what they are really like when they are not "trying" to impress you...and you them. Where they put their dirty laundry, how much of a pig they really are, do they shower as often as they should, things like that. Despite the intimacy, you both "do your own thing".
Borrower - This is a person you can call if you need something, but keep it between the normal working hours of 10am - 8pm. You have spent time together and generally get on well, the conversation has usually 2-3 main topics that you share. This is a nice safe relationship because it doesn't really require too much emotional depth, it's easy and safe. You can usually borrow things from them and visa-versa, such as clothes, lawn equipment, cars. These types of friends are nice to have as neighbors.
Co-Worker - This is a person that you work with on a pretty regular basis. You are friendly with this person and share general information about your lives. Sometimes you get together outside of work, movies, drinks, etc. This person can develop into more but usually not. You both share a common point in your lives and once that connection is gone, the friendship dwindles. Some try to maintain, but without that daily dose that made the union, it just becomes to difficult and usually drops off within months.
I'll-Drink-to-That - These are the friends you drink with. Usually more than one, because drinking in a group is so much more fun! They are the life of the party, or maybe it's you, but beyond that you have no idea what they are like. Sometimes you see them at their worst, puking or sputtering about life, but you take it in stride because that is part of the party code. You care enough about them that you don't want to see them drink-and-drive.
Dude - This a person you see at different functions, events or gatherings. You definitely know their name and generally like them, but really don't see each other much beyond that. Ironically this can be family members as much as a friend. You share something, but it is kind of distant.
Whoya - This person is a friend of a friend. Comes with a package deal, sometimes with a spouse or another friend. You might like them but when it comes down to it, you won't pursue a relationship beyond where it is.
Parental - This is a person you are friendly to because your kids like each other. Generally you share small talk and visit while your kids play. The occasion you see them usually occur around birthdays, school functions, sporting events, club meetings or at the grocery store. You might remember their name, but have to think about it. These people can move up the list into another friend category but probably not. Backgrounds, personal philosophies, religion usually play a factor into not maintaining the friendship.
Most people float around the bottom of the list, sometimes straddling more than one category, but very few make it to the top 3. Sort of like the cream rising in your friendship. I have struggled with this in my head for a long time. What makes a friend? Why do some exist where they are and some don't? If you don't have people in your top three, what does that mean for you? If you have a lot...are you being real? After my kids, my friends play a serious role in my life, and make a dramatic effect on my life. I have discovered that if I don't get "out" more and expand my horizons then my list of friends dwindles. And to top that...I am getting older, which means they will start to die off as well, so..."make new friends, but keep the old..."
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)